Your Memories of Iniobong Asuquo (December 19, 1989 - June 3, 2012)

There's a page created for my friend Iniobong Asuquo that lost her life on the Dana crash last Sunday. Even if you didn't know her, you can leave a word for her family. Her mum is hurting seriously. The link to the page is:

Your Memories of Iniobong Asuquo (December 19, 1989 - June 3, 2012) - Online Memorial Website

Memorialization: Remembering the victims of Dana Flight

Please visit: http://www.naijastories.com/2012/06/writing-to-heal-and-remember-calling-dana-flight-9j-992-to-lagos/

Even if we could not stop what happened, we can keep the memories of these people alive forever. There's only so much our brains will remember after about a year. This can help us remember them forever.

Please visit http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/06/so-we-do-not-forget.html for more information.

Finding Inspiration: Uncle Steve

I’m feeling a little inspired today. As you may or may not know, I’m a techie. Not in the nerdy or geeky sorta way; but the girlish type :D :D . The type that doesn’t care much about E!. Should I even be using that as a yard stick? I guess not; anyway, that’s not the point of this post but you’ll see the connection (I hope).

There are very few people-living or dead- that I can boldly come out and say I admire or that inspire me. This is because I’m not very heavy on words. If you say something nice to me, I might surprise you and give you a blank stare *sorry*. That’s why I’m terrible at “washing people” Bad behaviour? I know, and I’m working on it. Believe me.

So, when I say I admire (d) Steve Jobs, then you must know that I really do. *insert my techie paragraph above here* You understand why I started with that now, right? Forgive me if you don’t.

Okay, so as I was saying; Steve Jobs was one of the few people I admired in his lifetime and I think I still do even in his death. Why? One reason: Innovation. That, to me is the next best thing in life after God. There’s nothing like being ingenious especially in the very competitive world that we are in.

So, is this something like a tribute to Uncle Steve? Maybe. Followed closely by Whitney Houston and Tayo Aderinokun of GTBank, Steve Jobs tops the list of “significant people” whose deaths hit me the most (I dare not call them celebrities).

Where am I going with this? Yesterday, I read Steve Jobs’ popular Stanford 2005 speech again and a few things I had missed came to light, some of which I want to share:

1.   Connecting the Dots: “Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

#Note to Self: To that statement of trusting in something, I would add GOD. The absolute importance of trust and faith can never be over-emphasized. Is all of life itself not based on trust and faith? How is it that we are able to sleep every night and believe that in the morning we are going to wake up? Isn’t it because we trust that Someone or something has the job of ensuring that? You might take this to be spiritual, but as far as I’m concerned, all of life and living is spiritual. The question is which spiritual force controls you?

2.    Love and Loss: “I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life…and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees…and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired... I was a very public failure…But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did... And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life…I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance… I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.”

#Note to Self: It doesn’t matter how many times you fail or even how terribly you fail; as long as you genuinely love what you are doing, you will always rise. So, do what you love and love what you do. It’s that simple. Be willing to start over, but take conscious steps to ensure you don’t fall as a result of your own mistakes; and even with that, if you fall, clean yourself up, get up and focus on the love you have for what you do. Don’t decide to go for the next best thing when you can have the best. I’ve done this man times in my life and a whole book will not accurately describe the pain I felt when I saw the best I could have taken. Raise your head and look beyond that corner; the best is just after the corner.

3.    Death: “…Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart...”

#Note to Self: What is important to you? What defines you? If someone had to describe you in one word, what would the person say? Whether you like it or not, that one word is what will be left of you after you’re gone. So, what do you want that one word to be? Live your life with openness that stems from the realization the one day, you’ll be stripped of everything by death. All the excess luggage will go nowhere with you.

I didn’t know Steve Jobs, but I was distressed by his death. The fact that someone with such intelligence and intensity can die one day is a subtle prompt that one day; we’d all answer the call. The question is will you look back on your life when you’re gone and be satisfied with how you lived?

P.S: This post is not about negativity in any way; it’s just a subtle reminder. Forgive me if it came across that way.

You can find Uncle Steve’s full text here 

Finding Peace

 Last night, I got a very important realization: "No matter how many times you lose loved ones, you can never get used the feeling of loss. Never".

I write this from personal experience. I lost 2 members of my immediate family in 2001 and 2007 and though it felt like the world had come to an end especially in '07, I still found the strength in Christ (finally) to move on.

I have had dear people to me die at different stages in  my life and taken it in good faith, but nothing in this world prepared me for the news I heard last night. I lost two very dear people to me (husband and wife) on Monday. Didn't hear about it till yesterday. Initially, I couldn't feel anything (guess that happens when you are too familiar with pain and loss), but about a few seconds later, my brain registered what it heard and then the tears came. The tears came not because I just realized they were gone; but because I looked back on the years I spent with this wonderful couple. I remember clearly learning how to knit from this woman and she knit my first ever blue sweater. I was probably about 8 when she knit that sweater and I'm not sure I dropped that sweater any time before I was 13. I remember the easy going nature of the man and how he teased me last December saying I was a big girl now. Most especially, I remember them in 2001. They were there for my family through our period of loss. I remember that vividly.

This post though, is not about how I cried or what made me cry; this is about finding peace. Now, I've dealt with grief and loss in different ways; tears, anger, bottled-up feelings, contempt, guilt, determination, denial, severing ties with God, sickness, and the list goes on and on, but I will like to talk about being angry/cutting ties with God.

My normal human reaction yesterday after crying would have been "but God, why?". I'm sure He was probably even expecting that question from me, thankfully though, it didn't come and it has still not come. 2007 was by far the greatest loss for me out of all the ones I can count and that year, I decided I had taken enough from a God who allows the good people in the world to die and allowed the bad ones stay. So, coupled with a really messed up way of grieving (bottled up feelings), I cut ties with God. Don't get me wrong; I didn't stop going to church or even dancing during praises, but my heart was not with God. I moved on to a place where I made decisions myself and couldn't relate with God as I was supposed to. It was a very terrible period for me. A very difficult place to be. I was nasty, was rude, couldn't concentrate and had the worst attitude ever. I didn't care though, because I felt like I was getting back at God for what He had done to me.

The turning point wasn't a "fall down and die" moment of deliverance from whatever was tormenting me; it was just a realization that I'm not doing God a favour by choosing to serve or love him but rather I'm doing myself a huge benefit. I might be wrong, but I've chosen to see God as the God that "blesses and adds no sorrow" (my Bible says so) and accept the fact that there are lots of things we will never understand in the flesh no matter how or accurate our knowledge of God is. He still has that superiority over us and isn't that what makes Him God? I have examples from the Bible and more to tell me that keeping away from the God who gives me life everyday is like taking a knife and intentionally ripping it through my heart every day; feeling the intense pain, but not dying.

I have therefore made my peace with loss and God and I have chosen to see God as the GIVER and not the TAKER of life. Any other view cannot hold water with me as far as life is concerned. I may not understand why good  people die; I know that I don't need to any more.

I might be wrong,and there might be explanations that I do not know, but if God wishes that I know them while still on this earth, then that's entirely up to Him. Sounds like taking the easy way out? Well, at least it saves me the greater loss!

4 Years On...

This is going to be short, please bear with me.
This is dedicated to my most beloved father. Happy birthday Daddy. You would have been 54 years old today, but the day you clocked 50, was the same day you left this world. I remember you today as always and all the lessons I learnt from you remain ever fresh in my head and heart. Your smile, your baritone voice and your unusual ability to love still remain etched in my memory.
Well, here I am at the end of one of the most major phases of my life and I can only wish to see you once again. Alas, I cannot. I miss you greatly Dad, I love you and I pray/hope everyday even up until now that this is some form of joke, that maybe, just maybe, you aren't actually gone.
It has not been the same without you, I want you to know that, but the grace of God has been more than sufficient.
Well, I hope God gives you a window in heaven just to see how much you mean to us. Thank you for being the bestest dad in the world. I could never have asked for anyone better.
Rest in Peace Dad. (July 17, 1957- July 17, 2007).

p.s: pls forgive any typos.

I made it this far

Hello everyone. It's been about a month that I've been on here. It's great to be back here, it makes me feel that there is still some sanity left in me.

Okay, over the past four weeks, I've gone on a complete stretch of my body soul and spirit. I have gone from tests to defense and to examinations in four weeks, but as you might have guessed, God was once again too faithful to fail. My exams were wonderful and my defense was awesome. I was extremely favored.

Now, I've got so much time on my hands(at least I think so) and in the course of this "break", I hope to make the best use of all the opportunities available to me especially to develop myself.

In other news, forgive me if you think I'm stale, no be my fault, but last night, I read that one of the great men that really inspire me passed on. I'm talking of GT Bank boss, Tayo Aderinokun. I think what hurt me more is the fact that he died from cancer. The next time I hear of any good person that dies from cancer, I would literally walk up to heaven and ask God why.  This life sha, the people wey suppose die, na dem dey celebrate 100, 120 with all the government money they have stolen and the well-meaning, intelligent ones are the ones that die from stupid things such as cancer at ridiculous ages such as 56.
My sympathy and empathy goes to the family and the entire GT Bank community. But that man inspired me sha...

I've got a major celebration coming up in a few weeks and I'm so excited about it, just watch out.

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful week. Go out there and be the change the world wants to see...

Random Thoughts

I really do not want to sound completely random, yet I can't figure out the directions of my thoughts.
Random thought #1:So my brother started blogging today. He's a very deep thinker and I'm sure you'll see the originality and depth of his thoughts in the first blog post he got the courage to upload, so you can check it out at fikayofk.blogspot.com.


Random thought #2: It amazes me how the strange things going on in this world. I saw a movie that starred a 26 year old lady that had Parkinson's disease. It was a disturbing sight. Anyways, point is I need to know if there's anything in this world that is more painful than seeing that you have your hands and can't make use of them just because they are shaking. Wouldn't it be easier to accept that the hands are not even there at all. #justsaying

I think I'll just stop rambling at this point and try to gather my thoughts.

TGIF in advance people. Looking forward seriously to the upcoming elections this weekend. Hope it will end up being as peaceful as we hope.

Is it me or something is not right?

First, TGIF!!! I had an awesome week, though my lectures were definitely over killing, but no pain, no gain, right?

Something bothers me though and I don't think it's normal. Over the past weeks, say 2 or 3 weeks, it's like more people have died than the whole of the 21st century and no, I'm not trying to crack or anything.

First, my Head of Department; then a couple of 'celebrities',I think about three of them, then this man from church and then the little baby that was swallowed by a python(really, is that scary or what?) and just today, some girl in a reality show that I didn't watch(Koko Mansion) died.

I'm sure there are even some others I don't know about, but this is some really petrifying stuff. I guess it might all be coincidental, but even if it is, the incidents are happening at a really alarming rate and I hope it stops soon because I'm not sure I will be able to stand this any longer.

At times like this, all  we need to do is look up to God and mend our ways. If there's anybody you have issues with, sort it out because tomorrow is unknown and though I don't pray for any other person to die, we need to plan ahead always.


On a lighter note, I'm hopeful for a beautiful weekend, not because I don't have things to do; as a matter of fact, I have three assignments due next week, but because I have people I love around me and we have loads of girly stuffs to do.

On that note, Happy weekend everyone.

Sometimes God doesn't give what you think you want. Not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve more.