Mentoring 101

Source

When I was younger, one of the questions they used to ask frequently either in schools or when you’re filling that “goodbye book” everybody used to fill back then (I think it was called slung book or something, forgive me if I’m wrong) was “Who is your Role Model?”.  My curious self always wondered what anybody’s business was with whom my mentor was and I remembered having different answers every time the question was asked. I had Ben Carson, Pastor Adeboye, My Dad, and My Mum and so on at different points in time. I’m sure of one thing though: My Dad had the highest number of occurrences then; I’ve always wanted to be (partially) like him and I still want to be like him today.

As I grew older; I came to realize that there’s a major difference between whom you admire and who you want to be like. I might admire and get inspiration from someone who isn’t my role model. Let’s break it down in the most basic way we can:

A role is a function or a position

A model is a standard or example for imitation or comparison.

Admire: to regard something (someone, a quality, etc.) with respect or warm approval.

Therefore, a role model is the standard in a function or a position.  

This is how I understand it: I might appreciate some qualities about a person, but it doesn’t mean I want to be like the person. For instance (and this is not personal in any way), I appreciate some qualities about Beyoncé- her voice, her ability to hold it all together and of course, her figure, but I do not want to be her or want to be like her simply because she doesn’t fit into the picture of how I see myself. On the flip side, I’d look at Sheryl Sandberg (Facebook) and think “hmm, that’s a great woman that I can fashion some parts of my life after”

If you call somebody your role model, following the definition above, the person should presently be or should have been in a position where you know that you can fit into with little or no adjustments; so it will be easier and more appropriate for me (as a techie) to call Marissa Mayer (Yahoo) a model than to call Victoria Azerenka (Tennis).

Also, I have come to discover that it is almost impossible to have one role model- professionally, spiritually or personally except God is your model. God is the only one that cut it perfectly; every other person comes with baggage and the ability to be able to separate the baggage from the exceptional qualities is what makes you the better person. You definitely have someone you aspire to be like personally, another professionally, another martially and the list goes on because of certain qualities that have that you see yourself being able to emulate. Combine all of that together with your own baggage, and you have a total package. (Did you notice I just rhymed? :D) If you have just one model, you have to be a really blessed person.  

I found an article on Forbes recently talking about mentorship amongst female professionals and different people had different things to say about how the women already at the top (Generation X) do not properly mentor the younger generation (Generation Y). This one stood out for me:

“I recently spoke with a female leader I admire about work/personal life balance.  She explained to me that she has given all of her energy and time to her professional life, and in retrospect, at 65 years old, she wishes that she had allowed for more balance with other areas of her life.  This conversation affirmed me in my personal search for balance and my own recognition that I seek professional mentors who share my values. I do not want to live to work – I want to work to live.  I want to succeed at work and contribute to my work place and community.  I want the time I spend working to be meaningful, but I also want plenty of time to pursue passions outside of work such as volunteering, having a family and traveling.  If I found a mentor who did not share those values, their advice would have only limited value to me.”

This leads me to the question:

What do you personally look for in a role model or mentor, both professionally, personally and in other ways?

Side Notes

• Forgive all the tech names. Err…I’m techie.
• There’s a slight difference between a mentor and a role model. I have used them to mean the same thing here.
• Big birthday shout out to Toinlicious. Wish you many more years in good health and prosperity. God bless you!
• Thank God It’s (almost) Friday. J
• Shout out to my two new followers. Thank you guys J

Woman, Run!!!

Hello people.

Now, usually, I always like to be happy and be positive about everything, but there comes a point in this life when we have to face facts and talk to ourselves as the situation demands.

Over the past few days, there have been pictures and stories of beaten, battered married women all over the internet. The first one I read even had a website dedicated to her story and bla bla. Just yesterday, I saw gory pictures on twitter of beaten women with almost chopped off fingers and swollen faces. Naturally, I should feel pity for these women, but somehow, all I feel is intense anger.

Also, I know that many people have touched this subject directly or otherwise, but somehow, my anger won't just let go and I want to let it out.

First of all, my mum always says a man that lays his hands on a woman is a beast. Period. Even though I grew up knowing this, I discovered that people don't care much about being labelled beasts; I mean, being a beast can't be the worst thing in life, right?So, we'll just put my mum's statement aside.

On one hand, why would a man lay his hands on a woman he claims to love? Even if he doesn't love her (as the case is these days), shouldn't he even think about his children (if they have any) and if none of the above applies, his conscience should be there now. I may be wrong, but every man/woman has a conscience. Everyone.

On the other hand, dear woman/girl/lady/babe..., why would you sit down with a man who constantly beats/abuses you every time over mundane/irrelevant things? Why? No man wakes up one day and decides to beat his woman to death; it has to be something that would have been building up. Like someone said, it will start from verbal abuses to a push to a light punch to a slap to a kick and then it goes on like that till the woman finally dies or becomes subject of discussion. Is it so difficult to understand that being single isn't the end of the world? These signs would have been there all along and the women just choose to ignore them thinking they can change their men. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANY MAN (OR EVEN ANY WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER)!!! Take it or leave it. God is the ONLY ONE that has that capacity. The earlier we begin to recognize that, the better for us all.

The painful one is the silly girlfriends that stick with their abusive boyfriends all in the name of love (or maybe money); if a man is abusing you verbally and physically when he hasn't put a ring on it, what do you think he'll do after? Do you think he'll suddenly realize your awesomeness afterwards? We know and agree that men are scarce, but being single until you find the right man is not a disease. It's not leprosy or HIV, it doesn't even kill.

If you are in an abusive relationship; whether as a man or as a woman, please seek help. Please. Nobody will kill you for coming out, you'll only save yourself from being dead before your time. Get help. Run from whoever is abusing you. Run!!! Be it your father, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, guardian, teacher; whoever it is, just run away and cry for help. There are too many agencies and religious organizations that can and will help. Don't wait till you die and keep saying "God will judge" God might(or will) judge, but it might not be in your life time. Period.

I'm not married, but I know that as much as it depends on my ability to choose, NO MAN will ever turn me into a punching bag. No man. That will be all on this issue.

May these battered souls find peace and the ones who have died, rest in peace.