A question

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You know there are some things that bother people so much it drives them crazy. Sometimes, we find it so difficult to say exactly what we are thinking because it will not go down well with someone or because people will consider you crazy.

I have spoken to some people and I have attended quite a number of weddings in my life. I have argued so many times that the purpose of a marriage is not for procreation only; there’s companionship and help meet (that’s how it’s spelt, right?).  It peeves me when people (family and friends) start counting for a couple as soon as they are married like if there’s no baby after 9 months, then there’s a problem.

Personally, I don’t want to have babies so early into marriage. Can’t I just enjoy the other 2 reasons why people get married for a while before starting a family? I told my mom once that I would like to wait a couple of years before having a baby and she freaked; going on and on about how life doesn’t wait and how there’s no reason to wait if you are not having delays. I just want to believe she was in a mood that day.

I watched “Change of Plans” recently. I love that movie; not necessarily because of the story line but because the couple had been married for 5 years and had a mutual agreement that having children was not in their playbook. I wouldn’t call it playbook but you get the idea.

Why don’t I want to rush into having babies?

I have heard stories and I have seen drama. You have a baby and you have to leave the child at home everyday in the care of one nanny whom you are not sure truly likes you or your child. You leave before the child wakes up and by the time you’re back, baby is asleep. You cannot sacrifice your well-paying job to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not blame people who can’t leave their jobs to play the mommy; the state of the nation doesn’t really let that happen but where is the care and love and attention children deserve in their growing up years especially in this age where solid family values have become a thing of the past?

Eventually, I want to have babies but I also want to take care of my babies by myself and train them the same way my mom trained me because she didn’t have a job that took her away all the time. I also love to work; I love the office setting and furniture and work stations and bosses and nice clothes and meetings and people that pretend to care and all of that and I know that I am not cut out for any kind of business of my own.

Am I talking about sacrifices here? Yes I absolutely am!

Does it make me look like a weak woman who expects that her husband should be the major financial backbone of the house? I don’t know.

Is this a wrong way to think? That is my question.

Woman, Run!!!

Hello people.

Now, usually, I always like to be happy and be positive about everything, but there comes a point in this life when we have to face facts and talk to ourselves as the situation demands.

Over the past few days, there have been pictures and stories of beaten, battered married women all over the internet. The first one I read even had a website dedicated to her story and bla bla. Just yesterday, I saw gory pictures on twitter of beaten women with almost chopped off fingers and swollen faces. Naturally, I should feel pity for these women, but somehow, all I feel is intense anger.

Also, I know that many people have touched this subject directly or otherwise, but somehow, my anger won't just let go and I want to let it out.

First of all, my mum always says a man that lays his hands on a woman is a beast. Period. Even though I grew up knowing this, I discovered that people don't care much about being labelled beasts; I mean, being a beast can't be the worst thing in life, right?So, we'll just put my mum's statement aside.

On one hand, why would a man lay his hands on a woman he claims to love? Even if he doesn't love her (as the case is these days), shouldn't he even think about his children (if they have any) and if none of the above applies, his conscience should be there now. I may be wrong, but every man/woman has a conscience. Everyone.

On the other hand, dear woman/girl/lady/babe..., why would you sit down with a man who constantly beats/abuses you every time over mundane/irrelevant things? Why? No man wakes up one day and decides to beat his woman to death; it has to be something that would have been building up. Like someone said, it will start from verbal abuses to a push to a light punch to a slap to a kick and then it goes on like that till the woman finally dies or becomes subject of discussion. Is it so difficult to understand that being single isn't the end of the world? These signs would have been there all along and the women just choose to ignore them thinking they can change their men. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANY MAN (OR EVEN ANY WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER)!!! Take it or leave it. God is the ONLY ONE that has that capacity. The earlier we begin to recognize that, the better for us all.

The painful one is the silly girlfriends that stick with their abusive boyfriends all in the name of love (or maybe money); if a man is abusing you verbally and physically when he hasn't put a ring on it, what do you think he'll do after? Do you think he'll suddenly realize your awesomeness afterwards? We know and agree that men are scarce, but being single until you find the right man is not a disease. It's not leprosy or HIV, it doesn't even kill.

If you are in an abusive relationship; whether as a man or as a woman, please seek help. Please. Nobody will kill you for coming out, you'll only save yourself from being dead before your time. Get help. Run from whoever is abusing you. Run!!! Be it your father, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, guardian, teacher; whoever it is, just run away and cry for help. There are too many agencies and religious organizations that can and will help. Don't wait till you die and keep saying "God will judge" God might(or will) judge, but it might not be in your life time. Period.

I'm not married, but I know that as much as it depends on my ability to choose, NO MAN will ever turn me into a punching bag. No man. That will be all on this issue.

May these battered souls find peace and the ones who have died, rest in peace.