And another two...

Happy new month lovely people. I specially love March and it’s not even my birth month. What month do you love the most?

To Whom It May Concern, thank you so much for your encouraging words in my last post. God bless you.

So I have assignments. Lol. Two liebster awards! Is that cool or what? J

Okay, here goes:

The rules are as follows:

1. Thank and link back to the giver.

Massive shout out to Toinlicious, my gist partner of life! Lol. How’s it coming with the FLOTUS btw? When are we having going to the white house for tea? Lol.  Thanks girl. You rock!

Also, massive shout out to this darling girl- SugarSugar. As much as I know the award was a setup, I still appreciate it. Mwah! So, I have set aside my long overdue fine. I promise to pay up! Thanks dear. You rock!

2. Answer the giver’s questions.

Toin’s Questions

a)  What makes you happy and what are you passionate about?

Technology

b)  Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?

I know people expect a ‘No’ to this question; but for me, it’s ‘Yes’. It matters today as much as it did 5 years ago and it probably will always matter.

c) What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

This one is dicey; I would join the Navy/Airforce.

d) If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

At the end of the day, only God, your happiness and self-satisfaction matters. Don’t let anybody dictate what you do with your life.

e) Would you break the law to save a loved one?

I was asked this question during an interview 2 years ago. Yes; I absolutely will.

Sugar’s Questions

a) what would you do if you were told you were adopted (weird question i know but it just popped in)

Lol…err…I actually don’t know. I thought of 4 possible things but they all just sounded stupid. So I don’t know.

b) if you were told to give all for Love or someone you love so much, would you hesitate or just give all?(please be honest!)

*sigh*I don’t like this type of questions but here’s my answer:  I would hesitate. Honestly.

c) Apart from your current location, where else is your dream land?

Singapore, Norway and Oman. (I’m allowed to have more than one, right?)

d) if you were given millions and a timer to spend it all today, what’s the first thing you would do with the money

I don’t mean to sound tawdry, but at this very moment, I’ll give it all to my mum.

e) If your house was on fire and you were given time to pick three things, what would they be?

Certificates (including my passport), Daddy’s picture and my phone.

3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers.

This is the difficult part but here goes:

Dayor (I was secretly praying you have less than 200 followers)

Lukina

Priscy

Tamie

Ifetayo

*sigh* That was a chore.

4. Ask five questions for one’s nominees to answer.

Let me tell you something: When I meet someone new and the person does the ‘ask me any questions’ thing, I usually tell him/her to ask me questions and assume that I asked the same questions so he/she just gives me answers. Moral of the story: I totally suck at asking questions. I’m going to try here though. So here goes:

•   Working in an office or working for yourself. Which do you prefer and why?
•   Male or female best friends. Which and why?
•  In another life, would you study the same course you studied in uni/college or would you do something else? (You can tell why and you can also tell what you studied. Totally optional)
• On a normal day (without any rush or complications), how long does it take you to get ready? (i.e. from shower moment to the moment you step out of the house)
• What’s your dream job?

5. Post it on your blog.

 Done. 

Retired

*Cryptic post*

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In my understanding, in paid employment, retirement differs from resigning because when you resign, you move on to something else that pays you but in many cases, isn't more fulfilling than what you're leaving but when you retire, you leave what you are doing either to completely rest or to pick up something you will be happy to do even if you don't get paid. 

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This is how I know  I'm not resigning, I'm retiring. Giving it all up and moving on to do something that is me and makes me happy. It's been great, it's been bad, it's been awesome and it's been totally frustrating but the experiences gathered make the pains of the journey worth it.

When something isn't worth it anymore, you cut your losses and move on instead of staying with it and whining about it on a daily basis. So that's what I'm doing; gathering what's left and moving beyond it to a better place.

It definitely doesn't mean goodbye; it only means starting over.

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Laters!

A question

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You know there are some things that bother people so much it drives them crazy. Sometimes, we find it so difficult to say exactly what we are thinking because it will not go down well with someone or because people will consider you crazy.

I have spoken to some people and I have attended quite a number of weddings in my life. I have argued so many times that the purpose of a marriage is not for procreation only; there’s companionship and help meet (that’s how it’s spelt, right?).  It peeves me when people (family and friends) start counting for a couple as soon as they are married like if there’s no baby after 9 months, then there’s a problem.

Personally, I don’t want to have babies so early into marriage. Can’t I just enjoy the other 2 reasons why people get married for a while before starting a family? I told my mom once that I would like to wait a couple of years before having a baby and she freaked; going on and on about how life doesn’t wait and how there’s no reason to wait if you are not having delays. I just want to believe she was in a mood that day.

I watched “Change of Plans” recently. I love that movie; not necessarily because of the story line but because the couple had been married for 5 years and had a mutual agreement that having children was not in their playbook. I wouldn’t call it playbook but you get the idea.

Why don’t I want to rush into having babies?

I have heard stories and I have seen drama. You have a baby and you have to leave the child at home everyday in the care of one nanny whom you are not sure truly likes you or your child. You leave before the child wakes up and by the time you’re back, baby is asleep. You cannot sacrifice your well-paying job to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not blame people who can’t leave their jobs to play the mommy; the state of the nation doesn’t really let that happen but where is the care and love and attention children deserve in their growing up years especially in this age where solid family values have become a thing of the past?

Eventually, I want to have babies but I also want to take care of my babies by myself and train them the same way my mom trained me because she didn’t have a job that took her away all the time. I also love to work; I love the office setting and furniture and work stations and bosses and nice clothes and meetings and people that pretend to care and all of that and I know that I am not cut out for any kind of business of my own.

Am I talking about sacrifices here? Yes I absolutely am!

Does it make me look like a weak woman who expects that her husband should be the major financial backbone of the house? I don’t know.

Is this a wrong way to think? That is my question.

Negative thought patterns

Happy new month everyone!! Is it just me or January was very long; like it wasn't planning to come to an end.

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In my last post, I mentioned losing my blog and turns out I sparked up some kind of fear in some people. I’m sorry if that happened; it wasn’t my intention at all. So, I’ve decided to tell how I backed up. Please note that this is not an 100% secure means; I’m hoping there’s another way to do this but I’m still looking. While I’m looking, I’ll just share this one. Also note that this is for blogspot platform only; I’m not sure how it works for wordpress and other platforms, but I believe that wordpress should have a more convincing way of backing up (no diss intended). Okay, here goes:

DashboardàSettings-àOtheràBlog ToolsàDelete BlogàDownload Blog.

It saves as an xml file (don’t bother much about what this means) which you can easily import if anything happens (and I hope not); I’m positive that this should do the trick for now. This is not to say that you shouldn’t share if you have a different and more importantly, better method. Gracias J

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Next up; on messed up thought patterns, I’ll try not to make this personal. I muted Ynaija on my twitter because there are a lot of irrelevant tweets they post. Somehow, I came across the Kenechi Somebody’s post on rape and self-control and other infuriating crap like that and later, I jumped on Myne and Femme Lounge’s posts about the article. To say I’m beyond shocked that someone who passed through the four walls of a decent school can spew that level of utter crap served on a well decorated plate made of gold is an understatement. I mean, why a person would even make the slightest attempt to attribute the high level of the crime to “indecent dressing amongst female folk” and “lack of self-control in men” baffles me.

Here’s my line of thought:

{Scenario 1} Let’s assume that ALL men (every single man on the face of the earth) lack self-control and is provoked by indecent dressing by women; how many daughters and sisters who live with their fathers and brothers have been raped over the years bearing in mind that most of the time, almost no female is fully covered up 100% of the time when she is in the house.

I’m not saying there aren’t Fathers and brothers who rape their daughters or sisters but there’s a large percentage of women who have never been raped and yet, they live with men while a whole lot of women and children who don’t even have any kind of male proximity have been victims of rape. My point is NOT ALL MEN LACK SELF CONTROL and even if self-control was a gift that is given to every single man once he is born, people will still get raped. I find that article insulting to my dad, my brother and the many other men who might have at one time or the other been tempted, but have actually exercised self-control.

From my little knowledge of human behavior, Rape and Arson are similar crimes born out of a need for power and so to say that women that “dress to kill” is provocation for rape is being unfair to both the male and female gender. What does dressing to kill mean anyway? I read somewhere that ladies don’t dress to entice men; they dress to outshine other women. As much as I don’t totally agree with that statement, I think there’s a level of truth to it or what else is the explanation to why women in Arab countries still get raped despite the fact that they are usually all covered up in flowing garments? On another hand, Nollywood has taught me that when a university girl offends some tough guys in school especially if she’s doing “shakara”, the best way they usually deal with her is by raping her; not necessarily because she provokes them sexually or whatever but because they just want to prove to her that they have some level of dominion over her and can overpower her anytime. This, I believe doesn’t happen only in Nollywood. Are we still arguing that rape isn’t about assertion of power?

Finally Mr. Kenechi, I’m not attacking you as a person, I just have an issue with your line of thought. Men must not rape something and self-control is a quality that can be developed and you should be grateful for freedom on the internet which is both a blessing and otherwise to us.

Have a blessed month everyone xx

Shock waves from technology

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Do you all know technology still shocks me? Last week Friday, I discovered that my blog disappeared; like it just went like that and I searched for it like I was looking for pin in water but I was getting a response that my blog has been deleted.  How does that happen? I decided not to give it any attention over the weekend, deciding instead to focus on getting better (I was ill *sigh*). Anyway, this morning, I checked and it was still gone and fast forward to COB today, my blog was back!! Yay! I still don't understand what happened and I'm not bothering to understand; I'll just backup my blog jejely but you see why even as a techie, I'm not a full believer in cloud computing? The security hasn't fully cut it for me just yet. Okay, I digress. Anyway, please shout hallelujah for me that she din't disappear completely! Thank you.

 I'm listening to Barlow Girl at the moment. I've always loved that band mostly because they are very girly and their music is loud. Recently, I've been stuck on a particular track "Beautiful Ending" and one day, the lyrics and message of the song just made meaning to me. Often times, life makes up lose crucial contact with God; I mean it's easy to be living in this country or any other and just forget that all that truly matters is God not just because of the tons of evil in the world right now but also because of the tons of things that seem good and pleasing to the eye.

On one hand, we get so overwhelmed with the troubles and worries and all sorts going on around that we just lose it and relegate God who knows and understands it all into the background. On the other hand, we get so caught up in all the seemingly beautiful and pleasant  things in the world that God's place doesn't really matter to us anymore; we get to a point where we feel we can just carry on with our self-seeking lives on our own.

This song subtly pushes a question which I'm also pushing to you. At the end of it all, on what side do you want to be? Take a little time to consider what really truly matters.

Sugarspring, thank me later for this :D

Have a wonderful week.

Welcome Back + Books + Commitments

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There’s  this Nas & Obie3ce song my brothers used to play when I was younger and one part went something like “Welcome Back…Welcome Back…Welcome Back!!!” and when I started to type this post, that’s the song that came to my mind. So, as you read, just assume the song is playing in the background :D

For those of us who didn't have any holiday, it’s happy new week. For most people who went on long holidays and breaks and what nots (side eye at Toinlicious), welcome back to life…work...School…business…reality…etc. Welcome also to 2013…your year of (*insert your catch phrase here*). How was the break? Fun? Boring? Stressful? Wasted? Mine was bleh; I didn't really have a break.

I knew Lagos was back in business when I got to work at almost 9am today. Last week, I was getting to work before 8am so imagine the shock when I stepped out and it was traffic and hustles here and there. Why can’t people just remain in their home towns? I mean, most villages need educated minds to help developmental efforts, right? Okay, I’m joking; I understand the hustle J I called last week my “chilling week” because I wanted to spend it to settle into the New Year and do some planning but as life would have it, I was actually busy at work so I had to throw the ‘chill’ out the window *sigh*

Dayor's book

The book from my colleague

Anyway, my first gifts this year were books; one from Dayor which I won from her giveaway and another from a colleague. 

So once again, thank you Dayor and thank you for sending it so quickly; I’ll let you know once I’m done reading it. The second book I got has a weird title and when I got it on Friday, I was like huh? Did the man remove his shirt to hand it over to a fully clothed man or to another naked man? But the title got me so it’s on my to-do list. Btw, if you want to read any of them, I can share so let me know J

So I have made commitments here and there already this year (not resolutions, just commitments) and I’m here to make another one. I believe that this year will be more relaxed for me than last year so I hope to be more committed with blogging; my attention span is short and I tend to lose focus sometimes so I forget I have to do some important things but I’ve decided to change so look out for a committed blogger. So help me God. I just want to make it known that it’s going to be a little different with me this year; I might get preachy on y’all sometimes (maybe most of the time) but that’s just because I like to share. I’m in a learning process at the moment and so I have decided to share some of the things I’m learning just because I can. So, if I get too serious or a little too preachy, please understand where I’m coming from. But I know you guys are awesome so you will keep reading. Thank you in advance!

S/O to everyone that made 2012 awesome on blogsville and to all the wonderful new friends I made last year, thank you once again. Here’s wishing everyone a glorious year filled with amazing results in everything you do.

Mwah!

Celebrating Thanksgiving

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For many of us, there are times when we are in certain phases of life and the shadows and darkness around us challenges we are facing so easily clouds and blurs out everything bright and beautiful so much that we do not feel a need to be thankful. I’ve gone weeks without having anything to be grateful for; I just feel like there’s no extra ordinary thing that has happened in my life for me to be specially grateful without realizing that even the tiniest things around bring reasons to be full of gratitude.

I know thanksgiving has passed and we don’t even celebrate thanksgiving here but who says you can’t have your own day of celebration? So in the spirit of December (xmas +new year + I didn’t have a birthday post + a new chapter altogether), these are the things I’m grateful for:

I’m grateful for God. Everybody attributes their life and existence to a supreme being but not everybody actually believes or accepts the sovereignty or superiority of this being. I’m grateful because I know God (in my little way) and I love Him very much. Life is so much easier in understanding, acknowledging and accepting that there is a God above and no human can replace Him no matter how much anyone tries. I’m also grateful that He shows me love much more than anything I can ever show to Him and even when I mess up big time, He never stops loving me. I’m forever grateful that He doesn’t punish me for defaulting in giving Him back the 110% love He has given to me.

I’m grateful for family. Apart from me, there are just 2 other members of my immediate family and it sucks that you can’t quarrel with any of them for too long (joke). I have argued and at different times even totally disliked both of them, I’ve been furious with them and even made certain decisions concerning them, but family will always tie themselves to your cloth. Even if you use a scissors to rip off the part where they are tied to your garment, they will look for another part of your garment to tie themselves to. Is it until you rip all your clothes off before you realize they are going nowhere? I know what it feels like to be missing family so I’m eternally grateful for those that I have.

I’m grateful for forgiveness. I mess up a lot, big time! and I wonder how people tend to look beyond my offences, forget the heartache and hurt I caused and move on with life. I didn’t have it so easy with forgiveness because I just couldn’t bring myself to look past the hurt, but gradually, I began to understand that forgiving a person of any wrong is not so that invisible chains will drop off the person’s hands and legs but so that you that is forgiving another will experience peace and freedom from clogging your brain with hurt and wrong doings. I admit there are still times I struggle with forgiveness; I don’t intend to make it appear like child’s play but if one person can do it, then why can’t I or why can’t you?

I’m grateful for a job. That I wake up each day with somewhere to go to and something to do is a blessing on its own. I never really understood the depth of unemployment until recently. Y’all remember that Dangote and bus drivers story? That’s the kind of thing that makes me grateful. I know there’s a lot of money involved in the job but still… It’s easy to complain about bosses and deadlines and difficult tasks and pain-in-the-butt clients and horrible colleagues when you haven’t stayed jobless. I imagine the number of people who will be willing and ready to take my job even with less pay.

I’m grateful for friends (I know you were expecting this). If I ever have a next life, it will be filled with friends. I do not have many friends so I’m very thankful for the few I have both physically and on blogsville (and wordpressville). Many of you bloggers feel like friends even though I have never ever seen most people. These are people that fill my life with joy and tell me the truth at all times; friends who listen to and scold me and friends who are just there when you need someone to talk to. You guys are the friends that help me connect with purpose and inspire me to be a better me; the ones whose actions challenge and propel me to action in more ways than I can count. Who says you can’t discover and develop serious cyber-friendships?

I’m grateful for laughter. It is not just enough for something to induce laughter or be funny; a person dealing with major issues cannot afford the luxury of laughter. From the blog posts from you awesome people, to twitter, to craziness at work and at home and to friends; I have had one reason or the other to laugh everyday. It’s refreshing, relaxing and truly, laughter is the best medicine. When I say laughter, I mean the type that makes you bend over and hold your stomach, the type that brings out tears from your eyes and sometimes even makes you throw up. I could use that kind of laughter everyday.

I’m grateful for music. If music has ever healed you, then you will understand what I mean. Music has been a wonderful companion to me. Sometimes, I think it’s because I always care more about the lyrics of a song than for the beat, tune or melody so when I listen to a song, I’m more concerned about what the lyrics mean to me than how fast or how slow I can dance to the song (this is why I’m not a big fan of Naija music). I’m most especially grateful for rock songs, for Casting Crowns, for Jeremy Camp, for Francesca Batistelli, for Switchfoot, for The Fray, for Rascal Flatts, for Anthem Lights and for Hillsong United.

I’m grateful for sports. There’s a sense of belonging that comes with following and actually loving any kind of sports. So for Football (not American football), and for Basketball and also for Tennis, I’m thankful. I’m especially thankful for C. Ronaldo (*wink*).

I’m grateful for gadgets. Seriously, I keep thinking how difficult life will be without basic gadgets like a smartphone (not Nokia 3310) or computers or even things as basic as flash drives or head phones. As you may already know, I’m a techie (whatever that means to you) so as much as I don’t make myself drink gari to buy a gadget, I’m thankful for the ones I  have and hopeful for the ones I don’t.

I’m grateful for love. There’s so much more I can say concerning this but the fact that I’m loved in many ways is enough to be thankful for.

I am grateful for life. I wouldn’t be thankful for all these as a dead person. So for all these and more; and for God who has for now blessed me with all these, I’m thankful.

What are you most thankful for? Please share :)

P.S: I’ve been feeling very melancholic for a while now and kinda lost my will and inspiration. I stayed away because it was hard to put my thoughts in words without passing on the melancholy to y’all. I’m back now though and I think it's only appropriate to be back with this. Massive thanks to everyone that checked on me. God bless y'all.