Few months ago, I tweeted that "I am the new definition of tiredness and lack of balance". I knew what I was saying, but I didn't fully understand what it implied.
I first attributed meaning to the word "balance" when I saw the movie "Eat Pray Love". What I know hitherto about balance is:
1. FOOD: you have to eat; sometimes because you just have to stay alive, other times because you got the best food ever and sometimes, out of courtesy.
How does this apply to me? : So I decided to eat. I'm slim, very much so. Someone even once called me Anorexic, but I didn't care then and I don't care much now; but my lightweight isn't as a result of not eating, if you've seen my mum, you'll have a slight idea. Anyway, it worked. I ate just because. I ate healthy and I developed the habit of romancing my food in my mouth (I can give you tutorials if you'd like). It was good. I enjoyed food. I learnt new dishes and tried them out. I had an amazing time making great meals. That's where this story ends.
2. PRAY: I understood this as having an intimate relationship with the God you're serving; being able to go on your knees and pray whenever you needed to talk; knowing God and knowing Him with complete accuracy; and the list goes on. I always remembered this: “Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, and inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.”
How does this apply to me? So I decided to pray. I am a Christian and I believe in the Trinity and the Holy Spirit and I'm proud of that. I found peace with God and I stayed with that peace. It was amazing to say the least. You wouldn't know what's missing until you come to the full realization of the power of God and full acknowledgement of the Holy Spirit. I'm still on that track; I'm not there yet, but I know I'll get there. This story continues from here.
3 LOVE: Ha! The widely used, yet least understood word on earth. I learnt to understand love as a commitment; a decision. I came to understood love as being hardcore. Love is patience, kindness, not holding grudges, empathizing, not jealous, bearing all things, forgiveness, etc. Most importantly, I understood and settled with the fact that God loves everyone. It doesn’t matter if most people don’t love Him back; He still loves us all unconditionally anyway. I found an example in Him.
How does this apply to me? So I decided to love. I learnt to smile from my inside. It was hard, I was happy, I was burnt, and I cried, I laughed, I was hurt. I got love in return, my love was thrown back to my face, but I loved anyway. I loved God, I loved family, I loved friends, I tried to love enemies; made an attempt to love everybody. I was brokenhearted at some point, but I always remembered the phrase from Eat, Pray, Love: “This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” This is hardly where this story ends.
How did this work out for me? I found balance (or so I thought). My life was finally in the right direction. I’d wake up in the morning and know exactly what to do with myself and how to go about it. I felt equilibrium. I left the house same time every day, got back same time, knew exactly how many minutes to spend doing what. It helped me shed excess baggage, I left many things behind and I felt satisfied.
Something upset my balance though. I had to break my routine for some unforeseen reason and I lost my balance. At home, at work, with everything and anything that mattered, I couldn’t keep up with my life and I was miserable. Very miserable. It killed me not to be able to organize my life and I knew there was no way I could avert that disaster.
I came to realize one truth and that is probably the point of this epistle. Balance doesn’t come from being able to accurately arrange my life. I am not a static object; the fact that I’m human automatically makes me dynamic; so I don’t expect that things will always remain as they are. Therefore, my true balance only comes when in the midst of my craziness; I can still eat, pray and love. It doesn’t matter how many times I’m hurt when I love or who loves me back or whether or not I eat enough or less than enough, or whether or not I’m able to articulate my words when speaking to God; as long as I’m happy, satisfied and fulfilled, then I’ve found my balance.
I hope you can agree with me.
Eat healthy as much as you can
Pray without Ceasing