Thursday, February 21, 2013


*Cryptic post*

In my understanding, in paid employment, retirement differs from resigning because when you resign, you move on to something else that pays you but in many cases, isn't more fulfilling than what you're leaving but when you retire, you leave what you are doing either to completely rest or to pick up something you will be happy to do even if you don't get paid. 
This is how I know  I'm not resigning, I'm retiring. Giving it all up and moving on to do something that is me and makes me happy. It's been great, it's been bad, it's been awesome and it's been totally frustrating but the experiences gathered make the pains of the journey worth it.

When something isn't worth it anymore, you cut your losses and move on instead of staying with it and whining about it on a daily basis. So that's what I'm doing; gathering what's left and moving beyond it to a better place.

It definitely doesn't mean goodbye; it only means starting over.


Thursday, February 7, 2013

A question


You know there are some things that bother people so much it drives them crazy. Sometimes, we find it so difficult to say exactly what we are thinking because it will not go down well with someone or because people will consider you crazy.

I have spoken to some people and I have attended quite a number of weddings in my life. I have argued so many times that the purpose of a marriage is not for procreation only; there’s companionship and help meet (that’s how it’s spelt, right?).  It peeves me when people (family and friends) start counting for a couple as soon as they are married like if there’s no baby after 9 months, then there’s a problem.

Personally, I don’t want to have babies so early into marriage. Can’t I just enjoy the other 2 reasons why people get married for a while before starting a family? I told my mom once that I would like to wait a couple of years before having a baby and she freaked; going on and on about how life doesn’t wait and how there’s no reason to wait if you are not having delays. I just want to believe she was in a mood that day.
I watched “Change of Plans” recently. I love that movie; not necessarily because of the story line but because the couple had been married for 5 years and had a mutual agreement that having children was not in their playbook. I wouldn’t call it playbook but you get the idea.

Why don’t I want to rush into having babies?

I have heard stories and I have seen drama. You have a baby and you have to leave the child at home everyday in the care of one nanny whom you are not sure truly likes you or your child. You leave before the child wakes up and by the time you’re back, baby is asleep. You cannot sacrifice your well-paying job to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not blame people who can’t leave their jobs to play the mommy; the state of the nation doesn’t really let that happen but where is the care and love and attention children deserve in their growing up years especially in this age where solid family values have become a thing of the past?

Eventually, I want to have babies but I also want to take care of my babies by myself and train them the same way my mom trained me because she didn’t have a job that took her away all the time. I also love to work; I love the office setting and furniture and work stations and bosses and nice clothes and meetings and people that pretend to care and all of that and I know that I am not cut out for any kind of business of my own.

Am I talking about sacrifices here? Yes I absolutely am!
Does it make me look like a weak woman who expects that her husband should be the major financial backbone of the house? I don’t know.
Is this a wrong way to think? That is my question.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Negative thought patterns

Happy new month everyone!! Is it just me or January was very long; like it wasn't planning to come to an end.

In my last post, I mentioned losing my blog and turns out I sparked up some kind of fear in some people. I’m sorry if that happened; it wasn’t my intention at all. So, I’ve decided to tell how I backed up. Please note that this is not an 100% secure means; I’m hoping there’s another way to do this but I’m still looking. While I’m looking, I’ll just share this one. Also note that this is for blogspot platform only; I’m not sure how it works for wordpress and other platforms, but I believe that wordpress should have a more convincing way of backing up (no diss intended). Okay, here goes:

DashboardàSettings-àOtheràBlog ToolsàDelete BlogàDownload Blog.

It saves as an xml file (don’t bother much about what this means) which you can easily import if anything happens (and I hope not); I’m positive that this should do the trick for now. This is not to say that you shouldn’t share if you have a different and more importantly, better method. Gracias J


Next up; on messed up thought patterns, I’ll try not to make this personal. I muted Ynaija on my twitter because there are a lot of irrelevant tweets they post. Somehow, I came across the Kenechi Somebody’s post on rape and self-control and other infuriating crap like that and later, I jumped on Myne and Femme Lounge’s posts about the article. To say I’m beyond shocked that someone who passed through the four walls of a decent school can spew that level of utter crap served on a well decorated plate made of gold is an understatement. I mean, why a person would even make the slightest attempt to attribute the high level of the crime to “indecent dressing amongst female folk” and “lack of self-control in men” baffles me.

Here’s my line of thought:
{Scenario 1} Let’s assume that ALL men (every single man on the face of the earth) lack self-control and is provoked by indecent dressing by women; how many daughters and sisters who live with their fathers and brothers have been raped over the years bearing in mind that most of the time, almost no female is fully covered up 100% of the time when she is in the house.

I’m not saying there aren’t Fathers and brothers who rape their daughters or sisters but there’s a large percentage of women who have never been raped and yet, they live with men while a whole lot of women and children who don’t even have any kind of male proximity have been victims of rape. My point is NOT ALL MEN LACK SELF CONTROL and even if self-control was a gift that is given to every single man once he is born, people will still get raped. I find that article insulting to my dad, my brother and the many other men who might have at one time or the other been tempted, but have actually exercised self-control.

From my little knowledge of human behavior, Rape and Arson are similar crimes born out of a need for power and so to say that women that “dress to kill” is provocation for rape is being unfair to both the male and female gender. What does dressing to kill mean anyway? I read somewhere that ladies don’t dress to entice men; they dress to outshine other women. As much as I don’t totally agree with that statement, I think there’s a level of truth to it or what else is the explanation to why women in Arab countries still get raped despite the fact that they are usually all covered up in flowing garments? On another hand, Nollywood has taught me that when a university girl offends some tough guys in school especially if she’s doing “shakara”, the best way they usually deal with her is by raping her; not necessarily because she provokes them sexually or whatever but because they just want to prove to her that they have some level of dominion over her and can overpower her anytime. This, I believe doesn’t happen only in Nollywood. Are we still arguing that rape isn’t about assertion of power?

Finally Mr. Kenechi, I’m not attacking you as a person, I just have an issue with your line of thought. Men must not rape something and self-control is a quality that can be developed and you should be grateful for freedom on the internet which is both a blessing and otherwise to us.

Have a blessed month everyone xx