Denial Island

One month after my graduation and what do I have to show for it? What have I successfully achieved in the past one month? What difference have I made? What decisions have I taken? Who are the new people I have met or what extra steps have I taken to improve my present relationships? These thoughts weigh heavily on my mind even as I write(or type).

July 2011, all that was on my mind was graduation; to leave school and finally be able to raise my fist in the air and shout "Victory at last" and celebrate my freedom from what I saw as five years of emotional and mental torture popularly known as education. July 22, 2011, my supposed victory came and I proudly wore the heavy gown alongside my million-dollar smile; took all the pictures I could and spent the whole day and the rest of the weekend hugging and laughing with over a dozen people I had never even said hello to.

In the course of my sojourn through the wilderness of education, I learnt one profound thing, "Twenty friends cannot(and may I add will not and should not) play together for twenty years. I have this statement glued to my brain like the scar on my left hand, but there are times that things don't just make any sense to you at all or on the other hand, they sound like very clean statements to you so much that they do not hold any deeper meaning for you. I guess my situation is the latter. Now my friends are gone, by this I mean I can't wake up in the morning and shout their names across the floor or wait for them when it's time to attend lectures or sit with them and decide which bloke is best for who(if you are my classmate and you are reading this, we never really did this :) ) or talk to them whenever I have a problem. Even if I can do that by the numerous technologies we have today(BBM, FB, Twitter, calls, SMS, etc), there's a limit to that considering what Globacom will do to my pocket if I call an Airtel number for a long period of time. reality for me has finally sunk in and even though it took a long time, we all say "Better late than never".

I was listening to TY Bello's "The Future" and a statement stayed with me "The future is here" and indeed, the future is here. I may have had my life all figured out in pen and paper since I was a child, but it's time to pick up myself and put my right leg in front of my left, roll up my sleeves and get to work. It's time to  leave the childish ways just like Apostle Paul did and face my future with enough tenacity to last me a lifetime.  I should take responsibility for the little things and the big things, forget about past regrets and instead of dwelling on past failures or worrying about present circumstances or having such fear about the coming future, pick up the available resources and use them to my benefit.

Now though, one month has passed and though I know all these principles, I find it hard to apply them; not because I have forgotten them or because God has suddenly decided to abandon me, but because I'm afraid I have been exposed to this life too early. I  have been released to face this life trusting no one but myself and God, I have been made to see the world as it truly is and deal with the issues that come with it as the grown woman the world expects me to be.

I can't deny that this task is daunting and I can't deny that the realities of this life make me want to run back into the hole of security that I'm coming from and stay there for the rest of my life. Though I can't run away from these intimidating truths, my denial does not make it less than the truth. I cannot, and will not deny or ignore the fact that my life has just begun and it's time to face it.

P.S: I hope this is conclusive enough