Little Words of Encouragement

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I’ve had an okay month. Not exactly a spectacular month because of the many things I couldn’t accomplish, but above all else, I’m grateful for life. It’s easy to go everyday complaining about things that are not working well instead of just being grateful for the things that are on course. I try to imagine myself being the one that provides air, food, water, shelter, and abundance of rain, fair weather, good jobs, and all the other good things of life to humans and with the abundance of all these things I provide, someone still complains about how he or she doesn’t have enough money to add to what they already have. The thought that people don’t care much about what I do or complain that I’m not doing enough is sufficient to start another episode of Noah and the Ark.

I have two stories to share.

Two weeks ago, I had this massive eye issue. It was so bad that I couldn’t do anything at work because looking at my screen alone was a huge problem; my eyes were watery, they hurt so bad and were itchy. Thankfully, it got better after about a week and I was okay. I’ve started taking precautionary measures to stay off eye makeup and bright screens.
Few days ago, I met this man, a senior executive in a multinational company who was sharing an experience. He mentioned that for a couple of years now, he’s had to deal with eye issues and hasn’t been able to find a medical cure for it. He said his eyes will hurt so badly sometimes that he’d be useless for hours; or sometimes, he’d just sit and for no reason, water will start coming out of his eyes like when someone is crying; this actually happened while we were talking, tears just started flowing out of his eyes. When I asked if he had been to the hospital, he smiled and said “you have no idea how much I’ve spent” and he stopped at that.
While I was complaining about how I couldn’t use eye makeup for a week because the water will smear my mascara, someone else is constantly battling with worse situations. You stay complaining about why your eyes are too big or too small; not bright enough or not having the right color; someone else is just praying for eyes that can work well. That man has more than enough money to take care of himself, but his eyes still give him so much trouble.

Second story.
I have a colleague at work who is a cancer survivor. He had cancer in his college days in Germany many years back and he was telling his experience about chemotherapy, alopecia, losing years of school and so on. He went to talk to a woman who presently has cancer in an attempt to encourage her that whether or not she survives it, she is safe in the hands of God. The passion with which this woman spoke about how grateful she is for the number of years she lived in sound health made me feel guilty about myself.
I am very familiar with cancer. I know it so well and I know it’s a hard place to be especially for the family of the patient; both financially and emotionally. But with this woman’s family, you can see gratitude to God despite the challenges they are facing. She has two grown daughters that have this aura of joy around them and it amazes me how they manage to stay joyful through the illness.
**End of Stories**

At the risk of writing an epistle, this is a word of encouragement that no matter how crooked or hopeless a situation might be, there are still reasons to be thankful. It might not be health challenges; it might be failure to accomplish some set goals of 2012 as we enter into the so-called “ber” months; it might even be dealing with loss in any form. What I know is this: God always leaves at least a tiny little reason to be thankful whether or not He does something.
Whatever it is that you are facing; realize that the end hasn’t come and as long as you are alive, you can still get through it. There’s always time to make something better as long as you’re still breathing.

This is the reason I’m grateful for life.

Have an awesome September!

Mentoring 101

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When I was younger, one of the questions they used to ask frequently either in schools or when you’re filling that “goodbye book” everybody used to fill back then (I think it was called slung book or something, forgive me if I’m wrong) was “Who is your Role Model?”.  My curious self always wondered what anybody’s business was with whom my mentor was and I remembered having different answers every time the question was asked. I had Ben Carson, Pastor Adeboye, My Dad, and My Mum and so on at different points in time. I’m sure of one thing though: My Dad had the highest number of occurrences then; I’ve always wanted to be (partially) like him and I still want to be like him today.

As I grew older; I came to realize that there’s a major difference between whom you admire and who you want to be like. I might admire and get inspiration from someone who isn’t my role model. Let’s break it down in the most basic way we can:

A role is a function or a position

A model is a standard or example for imitation or comparison.

Admire: to regard something (someone, a quality, etc.) with respect or warm approval.

Therefore, a role model is the standard in a function or a position.  

This is how I understand it: I might appreciate some qualities about a person, but it doesn’t mean I want to be like the person. For instance (and this is not personal in any way), I appreciate some qualities about Beyoncé- her voice, her ability to hold it all together and of course, her figure, but I do not want to be her or want to be like her simply because she doesn’t fit into the picture of how I see myself. On the flip side, I’d look at Sheryl Sandberg (Facebook) and think “hmm, that’s a great woman that I can fashion some parts of my life after”

If you call somebody your role model, following the definition above, the person should presently be or should have been in a position where you know that you can fit into with little or no adjustments; so it will be easier and more appropriate for me (as a techie) to call Marissa Mayer (Yahoo) a model than to call Victoria Azerenka (Tennis).

Also, I have come to discover that it is almost impossible to have one role model- professionally, spiritually or personally except God is your model. God is the only one that cut it perfectly; every other person comes with baggage and the ability to be able to separate the baggage from the exceptional qualities is what makes you the better person. You definitely have someone you aspire to be like personally, another professionally, another martially and the list goes on because of certain qualities that have that you see yourself being able to emulate. Combine all of that together with your own baggage, and you have a total package. (Did you notice I just rhymed? :D) If you have just one model, you have to be a really blessed person.  

I found an article on Forbes recently talking about mentorship amongst female professionals and different people had different things to say about how the women already at the top (Generation X) do not properly mentor the younger generation (Generation Y). This one stood out for me:

“I recently spoke with a female leader I admire about work/personal life balance.  She explained to me that she has given all of her energy and time to her professional life, and in retrospect, at 65 years old, she wishes that she had allowed for more balance with other areas of her life.  This conversation affirmed me in my personal search for balance and my own recognition that I seek professional mentors who share my values. I do not want to live to work – I want to work to live.  I want to succeed at work and contribute to my work place and community.  I want the time I spend working to be meaningful, but I also want plenty of time to pursue passions outside of work such as volunteering, having a family and traveling.  If I found a mentor who did not share those values, their advice would have only limited value to me.”

This leads me to the question:

What do you personally look for in a role model or mentor, both professionally, personally and in other ways?

Side Notes

• Forgive all the tech names. Err…I’m techie.
• There’s a slight difference between a mentor and a role model. I have used them to mean the same thing here.
• Big birthday shout out to Toinlicious. Wish you many more years in good health and prosperity. God bless you!
• Thank God It’s (almost) Friday. J
• Shout out to my two new followers. Thank you guys J

Gold Chase: Usain Bolt

Permit me to be among the people that will do what many other people will do after the Olympics. I like to pen down some memorable things I learn after every major sporting event in the world.

Last night, alongside with many other uncountable people, I spent 10 memorable seconds watching the battle for the fastest man on the planet which at the end of the day didn't end up being a battle, but an award given to a well-deserving man.

The frenzy is dying down now but the lasting effects of those few seconds will remain with us for a long time to come. A couple of things ran through my head this morning while thinking about the whole race all over again and I'd like to share:

1. He was an early "discoverer" <====
Usain Bolt is 25!!!  and he is the 4th most valuable athlete in the entire world (I read that somewhere; can't find it now); just in case you didn't know that. Nobody builds talent in one day. It all starts with discovering what you have and not ignoring it. Imagine if he had discovered he could run like that and stayed a local/community champion, would we even know his name today? Dude discovered his talent and worked on it. I once read a story about Tiger woods who practised golf everyday at 4am since he was 3 or 4 years old; little wonder he's one of the greatest names in golf today.

I know that many of us are probably past the age of discovery and we are all chasing paper and comfort now, but IT'S NEVER TOO LATE. Imagine if everyone in the world discovered that one thing they are good at and stuck with it; the kind of life we would be living right now will be very amazing.

2. He ran against himself
After the race, as usual there were a couple playbacks in slow motion and one of them showed Bolt running while looking to the left as against looking ahead and at that moment, it struck me that the dude was actually looking at the clock and I thought Wow! who does that? Where other contestants were focused on finishing the race for the chance at a medal, my  guy was there trying to beat his own record by ensuring he did better than the last one.

So here's what I learnt; when you have become so good at what you do, other people do not really matter any more as competition, but you are the only thing stopping you; meaning that the only thing/person stopping you from being better than you are now is yourself. Sharpen yourself. Dare to do better than yourself and stop at absolutely nothing to be better than you are now in the skill you've got.

3. He shared the moment.
This is probably one of the most important lessons in life. Bolt won; not Blake but I'm sure we all saw that they both had the moment. Even though everybody was screaming "Bolt Away" and "Usain" at the top of their voices, dude shared the moment with his friend and fellow contestant. He probably had a choice to have an exclusive celebration, but they both had the moment. Remember at Wimbledon women's finals when Serena Williams won, she ran up to her father first to celebrate. Tiger Wood's father is also a known name today because he helped his son. I could go on and on with examples, but I'm sure we get the point.

Lesson's pretty obvious. Every moment you get in the spotlight didn't happen because of you. It happened because many other people were involved and those other people deserve to be recognized as you are recognized.

So that's it. I hope it made sense.

Side Notes:
a. Very soon, we will start "Bolting." No more planking and stuff. We shall now start the Bolting process. I shall be part of this one. No dulling. :D

b. Did y'all see the London Police tribute? Epic moment people. Epic moment. 

Okay. Have a great week. Cheers!.

What I'm Listening to...

Yup. They are called Anthem Lights and I'm listening to their EP that goes by the same name. They were formerly known as Yellow Cavalier and originated form Tennessee. They sing Christian Rock and Pop. the reason behind the name change according to them is: "These songs [and] this record is our anthem to the world saying, "Listen, we know there's a lot of darkness in this life, but in the end, light is gonna win." And we wanna be the light to people and just show them who the light of the world is." Source

That's enough introduction.

On the Anthem Lights EP, I particularly love two songs: "Where the Light is" and "Can't get over You". I think I'm actually obsessed with "Where the light is" because the song did met me at a point when I needed it the most and I haven't been able to get over "Can't get over You".

Where the light is talks simply about darkness not standing a chance where Light exists; telling us that though it may seem like darkness has the upper hand for a long time, the Light will always win. I might not know what darkness means to you, but I know that light means just one thing to everybody. It's kinda like an encouragement/reminder that no matter how dark, gloomy or hopeless any situation might be; there's still the tiniest bit of light shining. One part of the song I like so much goes:

Even when you're close to midnight

Even when the walls are closing in

There'll always be a star that's shining

And the night will never win

Where the light is

Can't get over you is a worship/commitment song acknowledging the love, grace and forgiving nature of God and asking God to draw us closer because we can't get over Him or His love. My "part" of the song is:

Here in the arms of my Father

Only grace can be found

So I lay my fears down

Nothing is the same anymore

You've changed me from the inside out

Now my heart is beating and it's singing won't You...

They have other great songs on the EP but these two are my best...

So that's what I'm listening to at the moment and I thought to share. They've got web presence here  and also on twitter @anthemlights and youtube. You can check them out and I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

Okay, bye. Have an awesome weekend.

What I'm Reading

Over the weekend, I read this nice book "The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's wives" by Lola Shoneyin. 

Where do I even start from? Okay, first, I know the book is not new; but keep your judgements to yourself. Thank you very much. I loved the book. It was funny for a very long time and then after some time, some serious lessons started to find their way to my brain. 

I'm an Ibadan girl (or I used to be); so it was quite easy to relate with many of the places she spoke about in the book and at some point, I could practically feel myself moving along the road as the characters in the book were moving and even sometimes, I'd say to myself "Oh, I know this place". Lol.

For a first novel, the author did a great job. I liked how she portrayed the family as a fully "Yoruba-ish" family, but also as people somehow in tune with the modern world. 

Yep, so in case you didn't know that polygamy is plenty work, go get the book; it will help you understand better. Seriously though, I have never been a fan of anything beyond one man, one wife. It's like intentionally digging your own grave when you start taking a second, third, fourth and so on wife. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think two or more wives of the same man can co-habit without even the tiniest bit of jealousy, hatred, envy and so on.

This is the cover of the one I read

Brief storyline: Baba Segi married four wives: Iya Segi, Iya Tope, Iya Femi and Bolanle (aka Iya nobody) and between the first three wives, he had seven children that he loved dearly. Turns out that Baba Segi's "pride" was brutally bruised by a series of events with the help of modern technology. #EndofStory. Sorry, I suck at summaries so I'm so sure I just confused the person reading this further. Forgive me. 

I moved from confusion to anger to laughter back to confusion to sadness to laughter to confusion to depression back to sadness and ended the book with part joy and part sadness.

Okay, so what I learnt: First, polygamy is a no go area. Shikena. Secondly, resilience is something that MUST be learnt. Also, it's important to note that the evil that men do will ALWAYS come back to haunt them. Finally, as Yoruba people say "Ti a ba so oko si oja, ara ile eni ni n ba". (I don't know the English version. Please help!)

Okay, I'm done. If you have read it, please tell me how you liked the book. If you haven't read it, go grab your copy NOW!!! *in my best nollywood advertisement voice* Lol.

#Random: The author said she lives with her "husband, four children and four dogs". I read that and I thought "Errm, this is Nigeria. This woman sounds too western o. Four dogs bawo?". Lol. Just kidding.

She has a website here

There's something about the book here

Follow her on twitter at @lolashoneyin (she followed me just because I tweeted the title of the book :D)

Okay, bye. Have an awesome week.

THE DAY GOD SAYS “I TOLD YOU SO”

I like this Carrie Underwood song I told you so; I’ve always loved it. I’m not sure who she was singing to or the context of the song, but I kinda related it to God and humans.

Here’s what I know from the song: It’s a song about a girl who’s asking someone else (probably a guy) how he will respond to her if she came back home or came back to him after leaving or after being a “prodigal child”. She asked if he would laugh at her for being silly enough to leave in the first place and say he told her so and tell her he’s found a new person so she isn’t needed in his life again or if he would draw her close and hug her and cry with her and welcome her back and love her again.

So I thought “What if it was God?” I mean what if whenever we err and come back to God for forgiveness, He goes something like:

“I told you so

Oh, I told you so

I told you someday you’d come crawling back and asking me to take you in

I told you so

But you had to go

Now I’ve found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again”

It just made me think of the fact that without God’s mercy and forgiveness, we are totally doomed to destruction. Imagine God laughing at you when you ask for forgiveness and He says He’s found another person to love that loves Him back as much so you gotta leave Him forever saying He won’t let you break His heart ever again. It’s easy to imagine for me because rejection isn’t such a foreign concept so I know how utterly painful it is to be denied forgiveness and acceptance and I just think “What if that was God?”

The prodigal son in the Bible would probably have gone to commit suicide if his father had said something like this to him when he went back home because he would have felt rejected, unworthy, ashamed of himself and totally useless and the best option for him would have been death.

So first, it makes me think of how God feels whenever we reject Him and that makes me extremely careful of the things I do to Him. I don’t ever want to be rejected by a God who loves me so much even when I don’t deserve it.

Also, I think of this great and mighty unconditional love God has for us all; the kind of love that never makes Him send us further away when we stray and come back to Him but instead draws us closer, gives us a hug and says “Welcome back child”. I covet that kind of love; the kind that can look past wrongs and bear the hurt and scars of whatever wrong someone has done to me and forgive the person genuinely.

I don’t know who Carrie Underwood was singing the song to or what she meant by that song; but I know what the songs means to me. This is a subtle reminder that although I have a God who will never reject me no matter how much I err or how far I walk away, I owe Him a conscious duty to not intentionally hurt Him and to be constantly careful of what I do.

I hope it means the same for you too.

You can find the full lyrics to the song here

Finding Contentment

For lack of a better word to capture my thoughts, I decided to use "contentment", but this post is meant to be about dealing with jealousy. Recently, I was comparing notes with a friend over something we had both planned to do; actually, I was supposed to go for mine before him, but some issues came up here and there and I had to hold back. Turns out my friend is going to leave me behind since he didn't have the issues I had.

Somehow, unconsciously, I felt this tiny little pang of jealousy and it brought to full focus the fact that this isn't something new that I'm dealing with; it has actually happened a couple of times especially when I compare notes or compare progress with someone I feel we should be at par.

I think I'm going off point. I'll stop now.

Many people face different types of jealousy; it's usually different with everybody, but jealousy is a universal feeling.

Anyway, how are we supposed to deal with jealousy? How are we supposed to live with healthy competition? What does God think is right when it comes to dealing with situations where you feel less then yourself because someone you are rubbing shoulders with has taken a step ahead of you?

I think the first good step towards getting out of jealousy is admitting it. When that is settled, it becomes easy to work around it. Anyway, so I carefully searched and this is what I found:

1. Develop the habit of not comparing yourself with other people. You are special; God made you unique and you are the best of yourself there can ever be; the moment you accept yourself, it will be easy to live your life. Yes, there might things you like in a person that you might want to emulate, but you shouldn't want those things out of a desire to outshine the person, but of a desire to make yourself be the best God wants you to be.

2. Change your focus from being on yourself alone. Help someone be better; that way, you will find yourself becoming a better person. Also, focus on the high side (or should I say positive side of your life). Look for those things that make you special and work on them, use them to work on yourself and others.


#SideNote: God's help is always available. Ask God for help and you will get it. Also, make a personal decision to change your way of thinking. Every behaviour you have starts with your thoughts and your mind. Spend your thoughts and your gifts wisely.

Okay, so that's it. I don't know it all; I just know a bit and that's what I have said. How do you deal with jealousy? Or what have you read on dealing with jealousy? Please leave a comment and tell.